“Cry it out”, Ferberization, Gental CIO, Sleep Training; all terms that most new parents have probably heard. I’ve over heard them discussed with intrigue and other times in hush hush tones as if it was a taboo topic. For those of you don’t know what “Cry it out or The Ferber Method” is, it is a technique used to sleep train babies in which you allow them to cry for a pre-determined amount of time between reassurance and comforting. Essentially you are teaching them to learn self soothing. That is my quick explanation, you can read book after book about the details and science on both sides of the argument The cry it out method is not recommended in children younger than 6 months of age.
As a pediatric nurse of almost a decade I don’t make decision about my child’s health lightly. I read, I research and I of course consult my Pediatrician, who’s opinion I trust and value. Side note when you are looking for a pediatrician make sure that your views are aligned. If you have opposite schools of thought on important subjects like sleep training, antibiotics and vaccines; your doctor won’t be fully able to help you care for your child. I assure you my son is a happy and healthy baby. However, our night time routine had gotten out of hand. First we nursed to sleep, which worked great until it didn’t. We reached a point that he would fall asleep and the second I tried to lay him in his crib he would come awake and cry inconsolably until I was holding him again. Our bedtime routine turned into off and on holding and crying for an hour every night. When middle of the night feedings happened we’d repeat the whole thing over again.
I couldn’t do it any more, no one was getting good sleep and baby was fussy all day from being tired. So I made an executive decision, I would start having the baby sleep with me on a extra bed in the nursery. It worked, co-sleeping was the answer to our prayers. We started getting a good nights rest and who doesn’t love baby snuggles? Then it happened, I woke up in the middle of the night from being slapped in the face by a sweet tiny hand. My little guy was tossing and turning and fussing and just not resting. Surely we had just had a busy day and he was restless, and then it happened the next night, and the next. Suddenly co-sleeping wasn’t working for us anymore. My little guy needed his own secure space and I needed to rest so I could keep up with him during the day time.
I called my best friend (mother of 3), I called my mother (mother of 3), I called my Pediatrician. What do I do I asked them? They all said the same thing, stop sleeping in the nursery and it’s okay for him to cry. So I started reading everything I could get my hands on about “Cry It Out or The Ferber Method“. I had heard both sides of the topic and I wanted to do it right. It’s been a week, it’s getting better every day and we are all getting better sleep and baby is much happier throughout the day.
We have a bedtime routine we follow every night. Dinner at 5:30, followed by playtime till 6:30 then it’s bath, story, prayers and nursing. I put baby into bed awake and leave the room. If he starts crying, I allow him to cry for 10 minutes before I go in and check on him, make sure he is dry and all is okay. I usually hangout in the hallway and hold laundry, to be close by but still have some distance. If he continues to cry I allow it for 13 more minutes before I go in and soothe and check diaper again, the next time is 15 minutes. We have never made it to the third interval. Middle of the night feedings follow the same routine but rarely need more than 2 minutes of fussing. Naps are down to about 5 minutes and he sleeps longer than he has in months and is the happiest baby when he wakes up.
We aren’t having bonding issues. He knows I love him and he still wants to snuggle and play. He still smiles at me and he’s still happy when he hangs out with the sitter on a random day. While it is hard that first night, the results are amazing and I really feel like cry it out has been the best thing for our family at this stage. I know that cry it out has gotten a bad wrap over the years. There are claims that allowing a child to cry it out can have long term effects on their development and bonding. I discussed these concerns with my Pediatrician and am reassured that it is okay to allow my child to ‘cry it out” with me near by. I do however recognize that the cry it out or Ferber method may not be right for everyone.
Have you sleep trained with your children? Did you have a preferred method that you loved?
We did this when Dustyn was about 9 months old. He would not sleep unless I was holding him. I would rock him to sleep, lay him down, then bam he would be awake again. I couldn’t take it. It took about a week or two and it was down to no crying. Best decision we made. He is now a happy, healthy, independent 6 year old.
So wonderful to hear your success! We were down to 10 minutes tonight I know it will keep getting better each day.
I am so lucky that both of my kids were easy sleepers. I am glad you found something that is working out so well for you. Rest is important for you and baby.
I read somewhere that a group of scientists did a study on baby brain waves and found that the brain areas related to stress were still highlighted even when baby wasn’t crying having been sleep trained. I was pregnant at the time and decided I didn’t want to do that.
However. He’s not happy. I’m shattered and I think Chris has gone to work tired too. We’ve decided that he need to start him going to be earlier. (He currently goes at 10 because he was waking for a feed around 9 and not going back to sleep) I think we’re going to have to leave him to cry a little. I might have to sit downstairs or something because the crying sometimes upsets me a bit and gets me stressed. I know he’s not in pain and things like that but it’s still a little upsetting to know that to a certain degree you’re causing that crying.
So if those were the studies I read they were actually done on bany’s who were left to cry it out all night without anyone coming in an checking in them. When you check on them every 5,10,15,15,15,etc minutes they can learn to trust that you will always come back. They learn self soothing and how to trust you in a different way.
We had the same exact situation and crying it out has also worked for us! Now he goes to bed with no issues and wakes up happy and well rested! Great job mama!
My son did not sleep well when he was a baby. My husband told me to let him cry himself to sleep. My pediatrician told me the exact same thing. I tried. I really did. I just couldn’t do it. Back then we had the plain baby monitors without the video. Maybe if I could have watched him I would have been able to see it through. I’m a wuss and it broke my heart. 🙂 He’s now 27 and those days are just a distant memory.
I let both of my kids cry it out using this method. It worked beautifully. My oldest is almost 14 and I see no issues from it. She is very calm (no signs of undue stress), we have a great relationship, and she is a happy, non-moody teenager.
It is important to stress that you don’t just leave your baby crying. As the post said, you go in at intervals to reassure your baby, and yourself, that everything is okay. Pat his head or rub his back a little, but don’t pick him up and cuddle or it will take much longer. Also, keep your visit short and sweet.
I am a certified parent coach and I have been teaching my clients this method for years with great success and happiness for babies and parents.
I need to pass this on to my new mom friends!!
We did the crying-it-out as well. And it worked for us.
i’m so glad this method is working so well for you & baby!! keep it up momma!
I was horrible at sleep training my kids! Absolutely horrible. They ran me, they were my boss.. Oh the nightmares thinking back to when they were little.
I dont miss the sleepless nights, my boys were bad sleepers. Now they sleep great.
Thanks for sharing! No kids yet but this is great info.
I probably need to start doing this, but I don’t know at what age it is effective. My baby is still young, (2 months) but in a few weeks I’ll be returning to work and the sleeping at night needs to happen. I’ve heard that it doesn’t work if the child is very young.
Sounds like it works to let them cry it out.
My daughter was super sick and it was hard for her to sleep. We did whatever we could to make her comfortable. Period.
My first requests to go to bed around 8:30 so my second of course has trouble sleeping at night! haha oh mom life!
I’ve used the cry it out method & was definitely successful!
With my son we had to do this. I made a lot of mistakes early on that “spoiled” him. Our daughter goes out like a light with little fuss.
I really struggle with the term “spoiled”, my mom uses it too. I think we just taught them bad habits or let them train us! Thanks for reading!
I have to say that personally I am not a fan of the cry it out method, but I also think that there isn’t one method that works well for everyone. My son (who is now 16) was pretty easy going, and we never had too many issues with him and sleep. My daughter (who is almost 3) is a whole other ball game. She was not a very good sleeper from the get-go, and we ended up bed sharing with her. I also nursed her, so it ended up being a win for everyone. We ALL got more sleep that way, honestly. My daughter is also very hard headed (maybe like her mama? 😉 ), and cry it out would have NEVER worked with her. She may have finally fell asleep from exhaustion from crying, but not after keeping everyone awake for 2+ hours. Plus, I would never want her to fall asleep like that. But again, everyone has to know their child and know what will work and will not work for them. And now? She falls asleep fine on her own, and sleeps through the night with no big issues most nights. I mean, she may wake a little but goes back to sleep on her own pretty well. I never really got why parents get so cuckoo about babies sleeping through the night anyways. They act like that is normal for when we are older, lol. Ummmmm… how many of us as adults actually sleep straight through the night without waking up or stirring around at least 1-2 times? We just don’t cry or get upset when we wake up. 😉
I don’t think I would have ever made it 2 hours! Trust me 30 minutes was hard enough. We still get up to nurse once or twice during the night and I have no issues with that. I think I was more focused on a smooth going to sleep process. I actually really enjoy our middle of the night feeding sessions. Its one of the few times of day its just he and I. I figure he’ll sleep all the way through the night when he’s ready, but going to sleep is so much better and last night we had NO crying. Just baby snuggles and snores.
Oh goodness! One of the toughest times for me as a mom. My little girl, my second child was so easy to “sleep train” I feel like she trained herself. My little boy was a nightmare of colic and just crying for hours so it was really tough for me to just let him cry it out. Later we found out he is possibly on the autism spectrum which can come with sleep difficulties. He sleeps well for being on the spectrum but is still not a good sleeper. This is one of those, that honestly there is no right answer and I would never judge another mom for what they chose to do.
My mom was a user of the cry-it out method before that was even a term. I’m sure I’ll be the same way.
Every baby and situation is different. I’m glad you were able to find a way to allow both of you to get the sleep you need!
We tried the cry it out method with our first, but I just couldn’t stick with it. My best friend has used it with all 4 of her children.
It’s so funny how sleep training is SUCH a thing now! Everyone has strong opinions! We did do a short wait period (never more than 15 minutes and starting with 5 minutes) and it helped a LOT when Lydia was about 6 months old. I still nursed at night for medical reasons until she was about 10 months old…..and now she sleeps like a CHAMP!
I did the same thing with my first born. I let him cry and checked on him regular to reassure. He was sleeping through the night by 5 weeks old. 🙂
That was tough. I still have trouble getting her to bed sometimes at 3. Thanks for the info!
My son was not a great sleeper. Although I didn’t want to, we eventually did cry it out. It was super painful at the time, but I’m so glad we did it, in retrospect. I will say he is definitely a better sleeper now…although I’m still waiting for that “he’s going to sleep later than you someday” moment.
We never did CIO, because it’s not for us. But plenty of moms swear by it, so I trust it is the best decision for them. I still co-sleep, and my son is 5 – he awakens and smiles at me and tells me he loves me as soon as he opens his eyes! It’s not for everyone, but for me, it’s the best.